As most families celebrate the festive season, for some it can be a crisis point.
A time when things boil over, unexpectedly go awry, go very wrong, get worse, or reach the point of unbearable.
“It’s the New Year’s period when things start to really kick off,” says Hazel Hape, who has worked at Tauranga Women’s Refuge for more than 18 years.
The refuge is accessible all-day every-day primarily to women and children who need a safe place due to domestic violence and family violence.
“Every Christmas is different,” says the refuge manager.
“But there’s a period where – based on what I’ve seen – families tend to come together more during the Christmas period, and it’s the New Year where things start to get stressful and challenging with family around domestic violence.”
Tauranga Women’s Refuge wants the community to know they are always available to provide support.
“Our doors are literally always open,” says Hazel.
“We are accessible 24 hours a week, seven days a week, 52 weeks of the year.
"We don’t shut down when it comes to domestic violence.”
Women turn up at any time of the day, says Hazel.
“Often women will come to the refuge in the middle of the night.
"They don’t have spare clothing, toiletries, food, PJs, and the children don’t have their toys.
"They’re in a strange place – particularly the children – they don’t know what’s going on.
“Women have been physically beaten and brutalised, emotionally, psychologically.
"It’s quite complex and scary for her and the children,” says Hazel.
Traumatised
“The children turn up traumatised because someone has been violent or abusive or someone has not been held to account for their violence or abuse.
"Their conditions can be that they’ve been physically brutalised, emotionally brutalised, spiritually violated, socially dehumanised,” says Hazel.
“We see a lot...”
“There’s never a positive when they arrive – but it’s always a positive that they have arrived from fleeing from immediate and imminent danger and needing refuge.
"They come into a safe place where they’ve got a safe place to plan, to heal and to grieve, what was, what is, what potentially will now or could not be.”
Tauranga Women’s Refuge runs a 24/7 domestic violence helpline to receive and respond to calls from the public around domestic violence and family violence in Tauranga.
The helpline is designed to be a bridge to support, says Hazel.
“As a result of a call, a couple of things will happen.
"They [women and children] will either go into temporary safe housing, or we’ll look to assist them with community-based advocacy, advice and support like parenting orders, protection orders, safety orders, and helping out with things like food.”
Safe house
Hazel says if her staff get a call at 3am in the morning, and there’s a decision to bring a women and children to the safe house, “then we have to get out of bed and go and coordinate a meeting with her and the children safely – usually with support of friends or family or a member of the public, or police or the hospital to make a safe passage into the houses”.
Usually the woman’s home is not safe.
“Their environment is not safe, they’ve been beaten, they’ve been brutalised...”
Factors
A range of factors could have contributed to the domestic violence , says Hazel, “...like income, unemployment, inflation, homelessness issues, housing issues, alcohol issues, drug issues, addiction issues and relationships”.
“They’re not the reason why though.
"They are drivers that contribute towards domestic violence.
"At the end of the day, someone chooses to cause harm to another person.”
The loss of women and children “who I’ve seen whose lives have been taken as a result of domestic violence” is something Hazel never forgets.
She says Tauranga has a roll call of women who’ve been murdered as a result of domestic violence or family violence, and children who’ve been murdered in this city as a result of child abuse.
“To me that’s connected to my ‘why’, until women and children stop being murdered, brutalised, beaten, violated, that communities have an obligation to have a safe place or to be a part of a range of safe places to provide comfort, shelter, compassion, love and most importantly refuge,” says Hazel.
“I think it is important for every community to have these safe places."
24/7 crisis line
“[That’s why] during Christmas and New Year’s we continue to run our 24/7 crisis line and ensure our community knows it doesn’t matter whether it’s Christmas Day or Boxing Day or New Year’s – if you are in immediate need of safety or support as a result of domestic violence, call the police, give us a call and we’ll pick up the phone."
Hazel says a TWR is one of a range of support options are available; and the refuge is dedicated to protection of whakapapa and genealogy.
“It doesn’t matter what your race, what your ethnicity, what your sexual preferences are, what your politics are, what your religion is, we’re here – if you need support from us at any time, then reach out!
“If you’re experiencing domestic violence or you know anyone who needs safety and support, phone the police on 111 or Tauranga refuge on 0800 867 338.”